


Never Enough

by Trixy_BuenaSuerte



Series: Random Ficlets Inspired by Daily Life. [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Ficlet, Ficlet Collection, Marijuana, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 19:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6533947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixy_BuenaSuerte/pseuds/Trixy_BuenaSuerte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't good enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't funny enough, or smart enough.</p><p>She just wasn't enough. </p><p>And it broke her--<em>he</em> broke her, wrecked her. Took her  apart again and again with malicious words and hurtful actions until she finally pushed him away. </p><p>Broken and bleeding, she learns to stand on her own. Hesitant to love again even as she's wooed by a guy who seems too good to be true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Enough

"You like him," he says, long, thin fingers of one hand wrapped around a glass pipe. "I can see it," he continues as he strikes the light with the other and brings the flame to the bowl filled with greens.

His inhale is long, deep, bringing the drugs into his lungs steadily. Once done he hands the small glass pipe to me and I light up before replying. 

"You're wrong," I tell him as I release the smoke from my lungs, head tilted up to watch the white smoke drift up into the dark night sky. "I don't like him--I can't. I hardly know him."

"It's in your eyes," he says, lounging back against the porch steps as he ignores my words.  _"Como te le quedas mirando."_

"How do I look at him?" I ask, suspicious as I light up again. The smoke is thick, too thick as it forces it's way down my windpipe and I let it all back out with a violent cough.  _"Fuck."_

 _"Cuidado, mija,"_ he soothes, hand coming up to rub my back as I all but cough out a lung. "You look at him like he's your whole world."

"I don't," I disagree, voice rough as I try to get my coughs under control, to which he gives me a doubtful look. "I can't like him."

_"Porque no?"_

"Because I don't _know_ him," I try to explain again, shoving the pipe into his lips when he goes to speak. I light it up for him as I continue, "Sure, I've hung out with him and talk to him a few times but not enough to actually _know_ him."

"Then why did you want to fuck him last night?" he asks, no maliciousness or accusation in his words as he lets the smoke slip from his lips. It comes back up as smoothly as it went down, expertly and I marvel at it as I feel the first signs of the drug working it's way into my system. 

It's pin-pricks, spider legs crawling up my arms to settle across my cheeks, or that could be the blush brought on by his words. 

"I didn't," I want to blurt out, to deny, but the look on his face tells me he won't be buying any excuses. He continues to look a me, one eyebrow drawn up in doubt and for a second I'm not sure if I did say that out loud or not.

The memory of the words leaving my lips torments me as I try to decide if it happened or not. 

_Fuck this drug, man._

The world narrows down to just us then, lounging on the porch steps of his house with a pipe between us. The rest of the world moves on in slow motion, meaningless as the pin-prinks start up again. 

I brush shaking fingers across my cheek in an attempt to soothe them away. It doesn't work, the pin-pricks continues as a familiar uneasiness settles in my gut. 

_Paranoia._

I struggle to understand what he wants then. Why he keeps forcing the issue. Why he insists on revisiting this conversation.

"I'm here, aren't I," I tell him as tremors wrack my frame. He pulls me into his arms then. Wraps me up in his embrace as the drugs take hold. "If I really wanted to I could have been with him right now."

"Why aren't you?" he asks, shifting until his legs sit on either side of me. He pulls me into his chest then, warming up my back as he lifts his hands to bring the pipe back to his lips. "You like him."

"I don't," I tell him as I lean further into him, dissolving into his embrace as it makes the paranoia ebb. 

_"No te creo."_

"What you saw," I tell him then, tears coming to my eyes as I finally tell him the truth. Under the influence of a drug that I  despise but deeply enjoy I finally let it all out. "Was a girl so in love with her ex that she took everything she had and threw it the closest guy."

Silence falls. 

He says nothing, the only noise then is the sound of smoke leaving his lungs. I look up then, lock my eyes on the moon floating so prettily above us in an effort to keep the tears at bay. 

"He reminds me of him, of my ex" I tell him, encouraged by the fact that he's still wrapped so tightly around me. Still keeping me warm in the cool night air. "Same build, same eyes, same walk, but I know it's not him. But it was easier to just take all I had  left of my ex and place it on him." 

"But you don't want _him_?"

"God no," I tell him, slightly hysterical laugh bubbling from lips. He chuckles along too and I savor the sound of it. "Half the time I find him annoying. He may have the same building as him but their attitudes are like night and day.

"He's too nice, too cheery," I explain, tension melting away as I continue to gaze at the moon. The tears are gone now, not a single  one shed but gone all the same. "My ex...he was...he was mean, angry, always upset by the littlest thing I said or did. They're so different from each other and yet I chose to us him as a replacement for my ex."

"Then why choose him?" 

"Because, for all that he can get on my nerves, he's nice, different. A genuinely good person" I tell him, sighing softly as his arms wrap tighter around me. "He was safe. I knew he wouldn't hurt me because he's a gentleman and I just needed that, you know?

"I just needed someone to remind me that not everyone's out to hurt me."

_"Y yo?"_

"You're nice too," I tell him, twisting in his arms to look him in the eyes. "I feel safe with you, more so then with him and I like that. I like it a lot."

"Me too." 

Our eyes stay locked long after those words but neither of us makes a move. No one leans. We simply stare, both of understanding that it's to soon. Too fast. 

That I'm still hurting. 

So he just holds me. 

Under the light of the stars and the moon, with a pipe between us, he holds me. Chases away the chill with his warmth as I melt into his arms. 


End file.
